It is 1:14 in the morning.

I have work tomorrow at noon and I promised to write for 15 minutes. Not only did I promise...but I set myself to it because it kind of turned out to be a bit of a challenge and my ego accepted it. I really wish I'd gotten up and gotten something to eat before I started though. I'm feeling cookies and I'll likely eat a few before I go to sleep. Though, I'm most likley lying to myself so that I will sit here and go through with this whole thing and stop thinking about cookies.
Its kind of funny though, here I'm trying to get all my thoughts to be split by the breaks in paragraphs...or at least the different strains of thoughts, and I seem to be in a moment of flow because I feel other trains of conversation rushing past me as I sit here and try to get a different one out. Look, there goes the one I really wanted to segway into. I totally don't have anything to talk about now. Kind of rediculous don't you think?
Its kind of like when I open my mouth you know. I just kind of start going because I feel that I might actually say something decent if I keep up with the topic I'm on. Afterall, if you aim for something long enough you're likely to get it right don't you think?
There we go! Found what it was. Won't bug me like unknowns seem to bug you. I am too apathetic at times I guess. Funny, the change in music is what reminded me of what I wanted to say. I guess that's because I was going to mention something about the music. Cognition and stuff.
Ok, before I forget here's the first thing. It took me a long time to get into a comfortable enough spot and get the right music to play before I felt confident enough to sit down and get to work on this. I'll have you know I'm kind of sweating the idea of typing for 15 straight minutes without much stops. Its actually kind of funny because I'm typing pretty much EXACTLY what I'm thinking so it makes me feel like I'm thinking a little slower than usual. Oh well.
Its kind of like one of my conversations if I look back over it as I type. Which is weird...reading and writing two different things isn't a common skill I'm told. But hey! Whatever works and gets me through this. Anyways, back on topic...if there ever really was one...this is a mildly daunting task considering that I type pretty fast and all in all I think all kinds of random stuff so I'm likely to get a lot of space covered. Up! 6 minute mark. I think I'll just write until 15 minutes or weariness sets in...whichever is longer. I am honestly curious as to how much I can get down in one sitting if its all just random thought.
Woah...big paragraph...
Man, did you know some of my favorite bands don't even exist anymore? How gay is that!
Ugh, I really hope I can do something unique and suprising for you and with you...I really want to stand out no matter what happens. I mean, in all hopeful natures now, I don't ever ever want to have to leave. Lets just fight and then make up or look around it later. Lets work over the distances and times, lets just live together somehow. That's how I feel. Honestly its all kinds of emotional passion that trancends anything sex could describe. I don't even need sex at all to find myself lost inside you. I think that's why we're able to be so 'complete' without sex.
Anyways, I hope I can suprise you or at least be kinda sly with something. I have to get you a gift the 20th (that is your B-day in Feb right? I hope I'm not wrong >.< It'd be nice to ACTUALLY remember someone's birthday besides my brothers and my own...) and I kind of think I have something planned for the future...not sure though...I guess its something we've always kind of planned to do...right? Maybe...I'm not even sure if I am going to do it. Whatever, not a concern. I'll think about it when the time comes...else it'll bug me just like the concept of me mentioning doing ANYTHINg without specifically telling you what it is bugs you. Cause its like secrets and secrets both scare and excite you...so you prefer it to all be in the open so that you don't have to be frightened.
At least that's how I see it.
I find that to describe you kind of well. You like me for two things in particular. At least, you like me more than other people because of these two things. I'm predicitable. I will come back to you, I'll call when I say I'll call, I'll be there for you. I'm like a loyal dog. You whistle loud enough and eventually I'll stroll right back to your side. At the same time, I'm absolutely spontaneous once I'm there. I break up any monotony you have in your life and I bring a kind of lame joy and light into it. I'm good at brightening up your "I just don't want to see anyone today" days. At the same time, I'm a fun person to be around and I'm easy to introduce to your friend and family (except when I dude'd your dad...) so you don't mind taking me alone cause of my bubbliness. I just fit in with you so well and I don't make you feel trapped or cramped. In fact, sometimes I make you feel freer than usual.
Mind blank.
I like you because you're just...well...mind blank...amazing in all kinds of ways. I think I am going to invest more time to describe that since I JUST hit my 15 minute mark.
Fuck 15 minutes, its my turn to describe how I feel about you, not how I feel about how you feel about me...and my opinions thereof. You like me for whatever secret reasons you like me. Its not my business to know, else it'd influence how I act. I'll just keep being me and hope it keeps you smiling.
There's a good spot to start...I love your smile. Its just happy and brightens up anymood I'm in. Even when I demolish my eggnoodles and clean my counter with what was going to be my dinner, just your little, "I'm sorry..." and a giggle or something from my overtly lame voices are enough for me to just let it die and move on. I can find something else to eat. Its not so bad. When I make you happy, it just defeats any sadness that was encroaching on my 'ever-sunny' skies.
You make all my rainy days end in rainbows.
I felt that was corny and sweet and lame enough...and even witty enough...to get its own line. I went back and changed it just because!
I know...explainations ruin both jokes and cute moments...but its how I work.
There's another thing I love about you...well 2 things...but 1 at a time. Firstly, you're real with me. Liz and other girls...but I know you kind of like 1 upping liz so I mention her specifically here...will pretty much laugh constantly. Its the thing my brother likes in girls; that kind of ego feeding thing that you will sometimes do when you like someone. You kind of gave me a, "Ok, I'm dating you now. Lets cut the crap; its not funny anymore." The same honesty I love about, only slightly harsher. Helps keep my in check.
And I have no idea why reality and honesty made me think of your logic...but that's the second!
I love the fact that you're a logical and intelligent person. You're also humble...but we'll get there, I'll put that here as a note for later...MOVING ON.
You're logical and intelligent. You can hold a conversation with me, catch my slightly 'elevated' humor and my allusions so long as you've seen the movies or had the situation. You and I relate really well. You like playing Scrabble because you have to think logically AND tactically at the same time. Is it worth it now to use this Q? No, I can hold it. I'll use a crap word for now. I love it. Hey! Lets play chess, I always wanted to learn chess. Its such a smart game and I've always wanted to learn.
Sure love, lets play chess again. I'll play a couple of scrap games until you get the hang of it, and then I'll watch as you beat me into the ground at my own game. I can see it in your eyes when we talk, and hear it in your voice on the phone. You won't admit it until you see it, but you're a smart girl...a lot smarter than you think you are.
Touching back before I forget. You're humble and prefer to point out other people's strengths as opposed to your own. When talking of yourself you really only offer your negatives when prompted because you don't want to be pompous or assuming.
You won't make an ass out of you and me.
No, you like it when others feel good and you play to that more often than you should. Your a beautiful girl with lots of talents. You never seem to recognize yourself enough to make me content...I want you to acknowledge your beauty and your talent and your funny little quirks and your cute walk (Kelly's right, you totally have a strut). I want you to both know, and acknowledge it...but you won't and we all know it. In private you will, but in public you can't because its not your style. You're just too polite.
Its adorable, and I love it.
Sometimes, you irritate me. Our egos can collide and yours is a more...subtle. Mines a very obvious thing. I'm egocentric at times...and I'm willing to talk miles about myself. You and I have times where its more of a playful confrontation...but we both know its really a competition. Usually I back down because I can see I've lost...but there are sometimes where I don't want to back down and you put down rebellions with kisses and smart smirks.
You don't know when your beat. It bugs me so much...and yet I still love it. You have some self-respect and a spine. I wouldn't take it any other way.
Woot, its been almost 30 minutes...or has it been more? I have no idea.
I'm going to go keep the promise I made to myself. I'm going to go have a cookie and then put my retainer in...which took so long to earn, even though I kind of feel like a baby putting it in all the time...weren't retainers supposed to be something 14 year olds wore while they were going through the annoying pre-teen and early teen years, blossoming into adults? Still, I spent a long time getting to where I did with my jaw...I'll be damned if I piss it all away because I didn't wear my stupid retainer.
So I'm going to get a cookie...okay several cookies and a glass of cold milk. I can't feel my toes, but I'll be damned if I have any other temperature for my milk. Then I'm going to brush my teeth, get my work shit together. And hit the hay.
Oh, another note. I'm not sure if you've noticed...but recently I've been working on toning down my use of more...'vile' language. Its a personal thing. I kind of started listening to it and the difference it made. I actually sound a lot smarter and far more sophisticated if I just eliminate it entirely. However, I don't want to be a full full adult yet. I wanna be a young man a bit longer. 30 isn't THAT close ya know! No, cut back? Sure, but I'm still gonna let loose here and there.
Alright. Now? Yes tummy, now. Cookie time. Retainer. Bed.
Work tomorrow, 12 o'clock sharp. 5 o'clock freedom, and retreating to my home.
Ugh, raid on friday...but I'll be damned if I don't talk to you. I'll call you for sure...even if for just...

15 minutes.
1:47