I...feel tired.

I work hard. I work harder. People are helping me, lots of people.
All kinds of people.
I work a lot, I work more than anyone. Yet...
It seems hard sometimes to get out of bed in the morning.
I sometimes feel as if the days are getting longer and I'm getting older,
and nothing good is coming of it.

I was given a note today. I held onto it and didn't read it until the very end of work.
You know, because I wasn't going to get to see my girlfriend today.
It made me smile a little.
Now I sit here, watching the computer screen phase in and out before my eyes, and it occurs to me that I am tired but not tired at the same time.
I miss the way she used to be able to hold me for hours at a time.
Those hours seem... so far away now.
I don't mind though, they are memories well spent.
I wouldn't spend them any other way with any other person.

I know you're a a party where things aren't kosher...
A part of my is constantly afraid, the part of me that is making my stomach turn over right now, is worried you will take a try and get lost with someone interesting for just a night.
Another part of me, the part of me that chuckled when you told me, hopes you take a shot at it and see what it is all about.
The first one is worried and jealous that someone else is getting to be with you.
The other part of me knows you'll hate the lack of control and trusts that you're his anyways.

Days like this, I wish I was as confident as that part of me always seems to be...
I might make it through my life a bit easier...

My little chef, think you can cook me something nice to settle the nerves that make my cheeks go red everytime you hide your blushing face? Can you give me another chance to try and help you in that big kitchen you have planned out in your future where you plan to make dinner for that beautiful little family you hope to have one day? I think I would like to be around in your kitchen.
Someone needs to do the dishes when you're done.